OOPPPSSS! Z did it again! Everyone has their own way to spank the monkey! Whatever it is, it sounds so normal to you. Well! Z is giving you 10 hilarious masturbation techniques that you are going to LOVE it.Lets spank the monkey!
1) TEDDY BEAR LOVE-- Created by Stuffed Hunk!
Stuffed Hunk says>>
Buy a nice looking teddy bear or stuffed animal which you are attracted to. Cut a hole at the bottom of teddy bear...no too big... not too small, so you can feel the friction. Then lubricate the hole. What are you waiting for??? Fuck the teddy bear!!!! You are going to be in love with your handsome teddy!. You will keep him around all the time, and make sure name your teddy bear as well. (it feels more intimate)
Buy a nice looking teddy bear or stuffed animal which you are attracted to. Cut a hole at the bottom of teddy bear...no too big... not too small, so you can feel the friction. Then lubricate the hole. What are you waiting for??? Fuck the teddy bear!!!! You are going to be in love with your handsome teddy!. You will keep him around all the time, and make sure name your teddy bear as well. (it feels more intimate)
2) VACUUM CLEANER-- Created by Kinky Houseboy
Kinky Houseboy says>>
This is hand free method where you can surf the Internet for porn while getting your dick sucked and vibrated at he same time. The whole idea is to get your penis in the suction hole of the vacuum cleaner. Take a roll of paper and insert your penis. Place vacuum at other end. Make sure use lub for easy slip! Turn on vacuum! Here you go! Do this when you are home by yourself! It is hard to hear anything or anyone when the vacuum is at full throttle. I do this when I clean my customers houses , I came so many times in their vacuum. LOL! OH!!! Make sure cut all your cupid hair before!! If you get your cupid hair caught, it hurts soo bad!! (Use ur Brazilian wax kit LOL)
3) ANAL ICE CUBE INSERTION--- Created by Icey-Butt Man
This is hand free method where you can surf the Internet for porn while getting your dick sucked and vibrated at he same time. The whole idea is to get your penis in the suction hole of the vacuum cleaner. Take a roll of paper and insert your penis. Place vacuum at other end. Make sure use lub for easy slip! Turn on vacuum! Here you go! Do this when you are home by yourself! It is hard to hear anything or anyone when the vacuum is at full throttle. I do this when I clean my customers houses , I came so many times in their vacuum. LOL! OH!!! Make sure cut all your cupid hair before!! If you get your cupid hair caught, it hurts soo bad!! (Use ur Brazilian wax kit LOL)
3) ANAL ICE CUBE INSERTION--- Created by Icey-Butt Man
Icey-Butt Man says>>
I just recently got into anal masturbation. This will sound so strange but it feels unbelievable. One day I went around my house looking for something to use. I went to my room and got a condom and filled it water then put it in freezer. After it is frozen, I lubed it up the condom with baby oil and slowly inserted it into my anus then started jerking off. The feeling of a frozen dildo was AMAZING! Don't get ne wrong I have been ALWAYS a top, it is just a recent thing!
4) SREWING BREAD---- Created by Pantry Slut!
Pantry Slut says>>
I make my own bread and have discovered that half-kneaded bread dough makes an excellent bottom partner. I make a hole in the dough, lube it with olive oil then stick my penis in and fuck& fuck! OOOOHHH! I fuck the bread until I come. I also masturbate with a half baked loaf, in which I make a hole and insert a plastic bag. I take this to bed with me and fuck it before I go to sleep. In the morning, I fuck it again! I'm in loveee!!!!
5) CUCUMBER PENETRATION-- Created by Farmer's Boy
Farmer's boy says>>>
I make my own bread and have discovered that half-kneaded bread dough makes an excellent bottom partner. I make a hole in the dough, lube it with olive oil then stick my penis in and fuck& fuck! OOOOHHH! I fuck the bread until I come. I also masturbate with a half baked loaf, in which I make a hole and insert a plastic bag. I take this to bed with me and fuck it before I go to sleep. In the morning, I fuck it again! I'm in loveee!!!!
5) CUCUMBER PENETRATION-- Created by Farmer's Boy
Farmer's boy says>>>
Get a big size cucumber. Cut the end off! Use a spoon to scoop out the inside of the cucumber to roughly the size of your dick when it is erect. Next! Poke a hole in the top of the cucumber to control suction! LOL And then microwave the cucumber for 30-45 second to warm it up and make sure it is not too hot or you will burn your penis! LOL ! Slid your dick inside! GO HORNDOG GO!
6) BANANNA PEEL--Created by Mr. Banana Split
Mr. Banana Split says>>
Take a large banana, eat it! Good protein HUH! Wrap the peel around your dick and duck tape it, so it won't rip apart when you stroke. You may also want to leave a half to an inch of edible banana in the bottom. It gives you great imitation of bare back ass and also CHEAP! If you have a small cock, (GOD FORBID!!) use a smaller banana
7) AWESOME PEPERONI STICKS---Create by Pizza Delivery Boy
7) AWESOME PEPERONI STICKS---Create by Pizza Delivery Boy
Pizza Delivery Boy says>>
This is an awesome anal ma
sturbation trick. Get pepperoni stick, you know those ones that come in a pack of 2o. Anyways soak it in hot water until it get warm then put some lube on and slowly put it in your ass. Go as fast or slow you like, leave it in and keep rubbing your dick till you blow. I'm NOT gay!!! I just like the feeling! It feels AMAZING! OH!! Hot dog also works!
8) BUBBLE WRAP HEAVEN--- Created by
sturbation trick. Get pepperoni stick, you know those ones that come in a pack of 2o. Anyways soak it in hot water until it get warm then put some lube on and slowly put it in your ass. Go as fast or slow you like, leave it in and keep rubbing your dick till you blow. I'm NOT gay!!! I just like the feeling! It feels AMAZING! OH!! Hot dog also works!8) BUBBLE WRAP HEAVEN--- Created by
Bubblyfucker
Bubblyfucker says>>
Simply buy BUBBLE WRAP and cut in a 1 foot square. Fold it over (bubbles to the inside), Lubricate with petroleum jelly, and secure LOVE POCKET with bobbie pins or paper clips. Keep in your dominant hand. Get your erection and start jerking off. I have discovered this recently. I'm 40 years old and my meat cannot resist this. I wish I discovered this earlier!!! I cross dress also, so panties, bras and stocking intensify the experience for me....:)
9) PLUNGER BUTT ANAL-- Created by Bigholeplumber
Simply buy BUBBLE WRAP and cut in a 1 foot square. Fold it over (bubbles to the inside), Lubricate with petroleum jelly, and secure LOVE POCKET with bobbie pins or paper clips. Keep in your dominant hand. Get your erection and start jerking off. I have discovered this recently. I'm 40 years old and my meat cannot resist this. I wish I discovered this earlier!!! I cross dress also, so panties, bras and stocking intensify the experience for me....:)
9) PLUNGER BUTT ANAL-- Created by Bigholeplumber
Bigholeplumber says>>
Find a handsome toilet plunger and wrap around the end of the handle as thick as you want in your anus. Put a condom on it and lube yourself up. (You wanna get help from poppers too) Stick the plunger onto a wall at a low height and back yourself into it on your knees, then imagine whoever you want, doing you from behind. LOL
10) POOR MAN'S FLESHLIGHT--Created by Canyoumakemecome
Canyoumakemecome says>>
This device feels so amazing, just like a thigh ass. And if you do it right, it even creates a small vacuum. First get a water bottle (500ml.),
and cut the top off where the spout is, removing the taper (so you get a cylinder) then put a sock inside, all the way to the bottom. Pull the sock around edge, so you should have a hole in the middle. Put another sock inside this and make sure you have enough room for your penis (it will be very tight) Put a plastic baggie inside of this sock, pour in your lube, and pump away. GO! GO! As fast as you can!!!
Find a handsome toilet plunger and wrap around the end of the handle as thick as you want in your anus. Put a condom on it and lube yourself up. (You wanna get help from poppers too) Stick the plunger onto a wall at a low height and back yourself into it on your knees, then imagine whoever you want, doing you from behind. LOL
10) POOR MAN'S FLESHLIGHT--Created by Canyoumakemecome
Canyoumakemecome says>>
This device feels so amazing, just like a thigh ass. And if you do it right, it even creates a small vacuum. First get a water bottle (500ml.),
and cut the top off where the spout is, removing the taper (so you get a cylinder) then put a sock inside, all the way to the bottom. Pull the sock around edge, so you should have a hole in the middle. Put another sock inside this and make sure you have enough room for your penis (it will be very tight) Put a plastic baggie inside of this sock, pour in your lube, and pump away. GO! GO! As fast as you can!!!
6 Say Something!!:
This is sickly hilarious! LOL LOL
OMG! I definetely want ot try PEPRONI STICK! WOW!
Cucumber version is the funniest LOL
CRAZY! LOL! Now I know what my weekend plans are! LOL!
I cannot believe all of those techniques!! LOVE IT!
I think I already knew couple of those. Funny though!
Post a Comment