10 RULES OF A GAY WEDDING

Ironically, Z didn't write this, but Z should have!! The writer of these 10 rules are unknown so far. An email has been going around. One of Z's friend Joe Marra sent this email to Z., so BIG THANKS & KISS to Joe. Z thought these 10 rules were extremely funny & they were blog worthy. Hopefully some day Z will meet the person who wrote this. Z thinks, he is very witty & brilliant.

10 RULES OF A GAY WEDDING

1) On the day of a gay wedding, it's bad luck for the two grooms to see each other at the gym.

2) Superstition suggests that, for good luck, the couple should have:Something bold, something flirty, something trashy, something dirty.

3) It's customary, at gay and lesbian nuptials, for the parents to have an open bar during the entire ceremony.

4) Gay wedding tradition dictates that both grooms refrain from eating any of the wedding cake because it's all carbs and sugar.

5) It's considered bad luck for either of the grooms to have dated the priest.

6) During the first dance, it's considered unlucky to use glow sticks,flags, whistles or hand held lasers.

7) For good luck at the marriage of drag queens, the bouquet is always thrown in the face of a hated rival.

8) The reception hall must have a disco ball and at least one go-go dancer.

9) The wedding singer is not allowed to play/sing Let's Hear It For the Boy,It's Raining Men, or I Will Survive.

10) The father of the Bottom has to pay for everything!

Click here to read "10 things to do before gay cruise"

A Nun prays "Gracious God! Please help me! I'm really horny!"

Dear Lord! I have been experiencing severe horniness recently. You must know I’m still a virgin. I just wanna be banged really hard once. You know what I mean! “really really BANG! BANG!”. I don’t wanna die before someone touches my private parts. I know even thinking this is a BIG sin, but I can’t help it. Indeed you may wonder “This beautiful nun has gone crazy”. I’m not crazy!! Quite opposite in fact! My mind is very clear. I’m simply so horny. As Bible says, thinking about penis is a horrible sin for nuns. That’s why I’ve lesbian feelings. Yes Holly Lord! I’ve sexual cravings for women. I want a nice butch dyke to find my G-spot with her loving & thick fingers. Hoping! I have still a working G-spot. I sincerely fear my G-spot turned into a giant cyst, since I’ve never had toe-curling orgasm. Good God! I have read bible many many times. It doesn’t say anything about fingering or fisting. I assume it should be OK, since no dick is involved! Right? You must understand I’m sexually aroused and I must satisfy myself. My desire to have a good climax is unstoppable. Sometimes this desire shakes my body deeply and I get the strong urge to touch myself. All I want to tickle my jewel box! Just little! Is it too much to ask? Dear God! Please smile on me once & let me do these things. Talk to me! What do you think? If you are OK with that please squeeze my right nipple. If you’re saying “ABSOLUTELY NOT”, please squeeze my left nipple. OMG! OH NO! You just squeezed my left nipple. Are you sure, you know exactly which one is right & which one is left? How about I use cyber-skin vibrator?Please give me your blessings!

Click here 2 read "Cat licks their own ass"

To my hairdresser " Please have a happy period next month"

Carmelita! Are f*cking out of mind??! Please have a happy period next month, because you just ruined my hair! How did you do this to me? You have been my hairdresser for years. You simply fucked my hair up! OK! I understand you are PMSing , but you don’t need to mix your bloody problem into your business. I get it, you have cramps & I also get it, your period makes you lunatic! Control yourself GIRL! To be honest, when you are PMSing, you are weepy and bitchy. You have ups & downs. It makes you very chatty! Because I’m gay, it does NOT mean we are sisters. I do not have to listen to your leaking tampon stories. It is just simply gross. Carmelita!!! Don’t you ever eat french fries with chocolate cup cake in front of me again! You know I have been on a cucumber diet! PIGGY! You just tried to sabotage my diet. I just want to tell you something! You look very bloated to me, so stop eating as if it was your last meal. Honestly! I’m still not sure it is the result of period or you have been always horny. I suggest a intimate night with your handsome vibrator because it is not nice to fuck boys while you are wearing mini diaper. I would to like know your cycle, so next month I won’t even get within 20 feet to your shop. And do me & everyone a favor, and pop a valium next time, because you are f*cking unbearable when you are on period.

Hit on it to read "BIG FAT CASHIER WITH DIRTY ACRYLIC NAILS...EHHHWWW! "

" Our eyes met during last night's orgy" A Love Letter from a sex addict

Everyone deserves to love and be loved even sex addicts. What if a sex addict finds his love and tries make a relationship with that person. He writes a letter to his prospective lover. Let's read it! LOL
----------------------------
Dear Hottie with sexy nipples
Our eyes met during last night's orgy. I wanted to meet with you and ask your name. You were the most gorgeous men in that pile. I couldn't be a part of a threesome or foursome with you. There was really brief moment while you were doggie-styling with that hairy guy our feet touched each other. That was the instant moment our eyes met. The minute I saw you, something clicked in me. It hurt so much. I still cannot decide it was your piercing blue eyes or that midget’s thick dick in my butt. I think I’m in love with you. I know we are both sex addicts. We can merge our addictions and make it something wonderful. We can call it “LOVE”. If we become a couple, I can promise you, I would never do orgy. We should do only three or foursomes. Let’s cut the deal at foursome, because four is my lucky number. But you have to promise me, you would never do foursome without me. I don’t think I can handle it. I just want to make one thing clear. In anal sex I’m not a receiver. What you saw last night was an exception. I let that chubby bear ride down my hershey highway, because I was attracted to his boyfriend. You were taken by two cross dressers. I was desperate and jealous. Fat bear used my weakness and penetrated my booty.Sorry my love! And I also I’m not bisexual. I know you saw me eating that butch chick’s ass. That’s because for me ass is unisex and I love to eat.
Look my love! In this world everyone is looking for true love and we found it already. I want you to give me a chance. Maybe we can have couple of drinks together at least one quick threesome. Even I can talk dirty to you, if you are into that. Please write me back. I LOVE YOU!

Click here to read " A HOOKER'S RESUME"

Z's Subway Stories " The day I found my subway crush "

June 05 2008
I did shopping all day in SOHO. It was time to go home and have a glass of cosmopolitan. I took the subway from Spring street stop. I sat down on one of the bench. Damn! I was feeling exhausted. I saw my image in the window of subway. I looked sooo cutteee (despite all). I said myself "Girl! You rock!" After one stop an adorable guy got in the car. Our eyes clashed. I was like " Hope he is gay. Please GOD! Make him gay" He checked his hair and outfit at the window. “Yeah! I won he is gay" And I could see his legs from his short shorts. His shaved legs were as smooth as baby butt. Honey! Those legs were screaming "GAY". All of a sudden he smiled at me. My heart was off the hook. I got blushed. He suddenly walked and sat next to me. Oh dear! He was so yummmy! He had angel like curly blond hair, fair skin and big shinny green eyes. Amazing upper body!! Chelsea boy tight thank top helped him to show off his ripped body. We smiled each other like high school girls. He asked my name. "OMG! I can't believe he likes me. Something's got to be wrong" We exchanged our names. Of course I had to spell my name. BTW "I HATE MY NAME" We were chatting casually. He started touching and rubbing his leg on my leg. "OH! It feels good! Keep going!" I said myself “God! Isn't he gorgeous? Hope he is a nice person. Inner beauty is more important." While I was thinking all those lovey-dovey thoughts, that terrible thing happened. BUM! My subway crush farted audibly. Deadliest fart ever!! Smell was so distinct and rotten. You have to understand, the fart was so rotten that you couldn't even pretend you didn't notice it. Everybody smelled it. I was so ready to forgive him. I was an accident. It could happen to anyone. While I was ready to forgive him. BUM! He ripped another killer fart from his bubble ass. DAMN IT! It smelled like bad ass! very very bad ass! "HELP! Does anyone has gas mask here?" BUM! BUM! Third one! Human stink bomb! What the hell did this guy eat?? Rice & Beans for breakfast?! Maybe He had been on a protein diet. BUM! Another one! Man! He was dropping farts back to back! "Can't you stop this? Do you mind if I stick a cork in your ass!" GROSS! Apparently my subway crush was a chain farter. I said inner beauty was more important. Hell! This one had rotten inner area. Honestly at some point greasy cloud surrounded us. I was like “RUN FOR LIFE" I stood up and walked to the back in a hurry. I turned back and looked at him for last time. BUM! He dropped another hammer! By my hunky fart machine! SO LONG Mr Leaky Ass!
Click here to read " I hate that big ugly cashier with dirty acrylic nails"

A letter from Z to the disgusting dog!

Dear ugly Dog
You are my neighbor’s dog. You are a very ugly and tinny creature. By all means you are gross.I simply hate you. Don’t get me wrong! I’m an animal lover. You are the ONLY dog I hate. You are just disgusting. When ever we take the same elevator you bark at me. You are little but you can bark like a big dog. I feel like some day you will attack me and damage my precious face. Remember! A month ago I had had a great day at work. I got our building and you were at the lobby with your cutie owner (what a stud! YUM!) In the freaking elevator you started barking at me again! We couldn’t get you shut up! You! Gross thing were off the hook! I got so stressed out. I went home and opened up a bottle of pinot grigio. I got myself drunk! My partner got mad at me because I had so much to drink. It was your fucking fault! I wasn't going to drink at all that nite. Why are you barking at me so much? Do you hate me or do you have feelings for me? What is wrong with you WHORE?! You are behind disgusting! Couple weeks ago I was taking a pleasant walk by the river. You were at doggie area. Your cutie owner (yummy!!!) was flirting with the other dog owner and was not looking at you. You let that big hung German Shepherd fuck you. Yeah! He inserted his big penis in you! You didn’t even scream. You took it all the way in! Yes! You were penetrated terribly! I thought it was your end. I said myself “ That little shit was not going to make it this time. That hung will tear him apart. Thank u! hunky German!” Right after that you, I & your delish owner took the same elevator again (with my luck!!) OH BOY! You were like nothing happened. You barked at me like a bag lady and tried to attack me. As if it wasn’t bad enough you sat down, spread your legs out, bended over & started licking your freshly fucked ass with your itty-bitty tongue. GROSS! Buddy! I just want let you know. Your ass stinks. I mean REALLY stinks. Like the combination of shit and poppers. Why do you smell so horrible? Do you secretly sniff your owner’s poppers? But two days ago a miracle happened. You didn’t bark at me in the elevator. I asked your hottie owner (BTW I would do your owner in the elevator anytime) “Is she sick?” He said flirtatiously “Yes” (BTW I think your owner has feelings for me too. JEALOUS?!!) I was so happy. I want you to be sick all the time. In fact if you leave me alone and get out of my life, I would be so happy. Do me a favor & die! I hope you are not taking all those personally. We just didn’t click! (or you take it personally but I don’t give a shit!)
Your neighbor Z (Z is the bitch)
Click here to read " Don't ever DUDE me again"

Hey Mr itty-bitty Penis! Of course size matters!

Only 5% of the population need extra large condoms. GET OVER IT! Hooking up with a big schlong is very remote possibility. GET USED TO IT! Yes!! Size matters but you need to know how to handle itty-bitty penis too. Z did a extensive search for you. When you read this, you will know what to say Mr mini weiner!

1) OH cute! It's like a little button
2) Should we put triple condoms, so it will get thicker.
3) But you are an African American!! How could it be?! Well! Affirmative action is fierce! Let me blow you!
4) How about you use your hand
5) God! My horoscope said small things were going to surprise me today! Now I know what it meant
6) You've got to be kidding! Do you mind if I take a picture!
7) Poor thing! Let's pray together!
8) So, I mean, is this it? Do you think it'll ever get bigger?
9) Alright! I told you I was on a portion control diet. Gosh! not for that!
10) Is this candid camera? Where is the camera?
11) Eeehhww! It is like a little sardine
12) Oh Honey! When did it shrink?! LOL
13) Have you ever considered to become female? I mean there won't be dramatic change.
Coming soon! How to handle a hung (horse like) LOL
Click here to read " A leather daddy's to do list"

OMG! Diesel Dykes gone wild!!! LOL

Well Well! Who said diesel dykes were boring. Here are bunch of pictures from lesbian week in P-town. Z blog reader Tom Ponti from Boston sent those hysterical pics to Z. BIG KISS goes to Tom. He deserved Z's tiara award too. GREAT JOB TOM! Let's take a look at those Messzillas! LOL
LOVE LOVE! Diesel dyke is showing her boobies to baby dykes! Piggylicious! How fun is that? Eeeehhww!

Of course beer bottles pops up in the picture. What did you expect cosmopolitans! Ms Dyke is apparently so thirsty. She is sucking beer like a big sponge!Big baby is going to burp a lot!
She is washing her chubby body with beer. Is that beer blast Mondays in P-town? BTW She looks very bloated. Girls! Rub mommy's tummy for luck. OH Baby! Ms Dyke is so proud! Crowd is so excited! Piggylicious! Honey! Honey! After all those beers! She'd better run to the bathroom. Well! Don't blame lesbians anymore. They are very fun!
**If you have blog-worthy pictures or stories, send to Z. If it fits to Z's bloglike these great pics, Z will definitely post them. You can email ILOVEZEREN@gmail.com
Click here to read "8 reasons to love lesbians"

God made me gay because he didn't have any other option!

Years ago while God was creating me, he looked at me and said “This little baby has very tinny bone structure and also little bit girlie. This skinny & adorable human can be neither male nor female. His feet are too big to be a woman. I’m going to make him homo” Well! God decided to make me queer that day. He was in a good mood. He gave me delicious and little bit malicious sense of humor. He also gave me great fashion sense and addiction to skin products. As the other gay males I got strong dedication to cock as well. Other than that I was created the same as hetero dudes. So even God created me equally compare to other heteros. How come I cannot get my equal rights and benefits as a normal human being. I simply don’t understand this!!! Is that because I have a skinny and smooth body unlike fatty heteros? Am I getting punished because I like shinny things? Or they think gays are not good persons. Well! I’m a good person!!!! I respect every law and pay my taxes. How about thieves, rapists and killers? If a thief or murderer was a hetero, he could get every single equal right, but I can’t!!!!! Is that because they are better person than me? Hell NOT! There are so many people think gays should not get married and get their equal rights. Who ever thinks like that I have one sentence to tell them “Even my willy is better than you” -:)
Click here to read " Cats lick their own ass!"

A Hooker's Resume!???!!!

Well! Well! After Ex Governor Spitzer sex scandal everyone has been talking about Hookers . Obviously in 5 years prostitution will be legal. What next then?!! Heyooo! Hustlers & Whores will be working legally. They will pay tax and each sexual intercourse will be regulated. Even they will have their own college! LOL! Hookers will be looking for jobs at Madam's luxury brothels. Here is an example of hooker's resume. She uses when she applies for a new job. (Are u ready to crack up?!!!)

Kristine Dewhore

69W 69th street #G-spot

Dickieland NY 16969

Phone>> 1-800- EAT-PUSSY

edibleuterus78@humpme.com

Education:

*Bachelor Degree from HIT (Hooker Institute of Technology NYC )

* MBA degree on BROTHEL MANAGEMENT

Experience

* May 1990-June 1993 Arkansas Women's Brothel

-- Sexual intercourse with Dudes, Scum bags with their socks on.

-- Anal sex with bisexuals

-- Little bit experience with orgie

-- Corporal punishment with obese guys

* August 1993-September 2001 Worked with Madam Monica in Washington DC ( Madam killed herself & position eliminated)

-- Penetrated by Hasidic Jews, Rich guys, Heiress

-- Medical Roleplay with Senators

-- Crossdressing and Forced Feminization with Mayors

-- Teasing and Denial with Politician's wives

* January 2001-Current Newyork

Modelling & Freelance Naughty Dominatrices

Achievements

--I made 3 governors resign

-- In 2002 My Threesome with famous Senator & his closeted lesbian wife made the front page of NY Times & NY Post

-- In 1999 I won Best Promising Pussy Award

-- In 2003 I wrote a book. It's called " Ass is the other Vagina" It became bestseller.

Certificates

-- Cleansing Vagina Douche

-- Tip Tissue Muscle Cock Sucking

Hobbies

-- Spit instead of Lube

--Having sex while guys are wearing diapers on

Click here to read " Spitzer didn't anything wrong. He was just Horny"

Hit here to see " Spitzer admits"
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Why Z loves Diesel Dykes!

Z LOVES LOVES diesel dykes! They are so entertaining!! OH GOD! Diesel Dykes are so much fun to hang out with.Here are Z's reasons to love them to death! :):):)

1) Diesel Dykes are so fat. They make me look skinny next to them.
2) Put more than two lesbians in a same room, there is always a fight.(like sumo-wrestlers)
3) Those adorable dykes always wear oversize Big & Tall ( or big & short) clothes. It cracks me up!!!
4) There are millions of lesbians but only 5 Lesbian hair cuts. Talking about creativity! LOL
5) They can repair & build anything. Let a diesel dyke build a kitchen, she could do it in 4 days in the same outfit.
6) After 1st date diesel dykes move in together. After second month they start wearing the same OLD NAVY outfits. After forth months they even walk alike. So cute!!! (ehhhhhww!)
7) Even after 20 years they will have the same body shape (fat). Years would never ruin their curvy-chunky bodies.
8) Every couple has spare bedroom, spare tire etc. Lesbian ccouples have spare womb. ( but why? they adopt every Asian kid on the earth anyway)
Well! Don't you love them too :)
If you have your own reason to love them. Leave here your comment. Love to know what you are thinking :)
Click here to read " I wanna be big fat hetero and eat pussy!!" LOL LOL

10 Nasty Things I would like to do today

Z woke up tense & bored this mornig. You know! One of those mornings! Nothing makes you smile! Z thought if Z would do nasty things throughout the day, it would make Z laugh! LOL
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
1) Sniffing armpit of every fat woman on the street

2) Putting used condoms in my co-workers jackets

3) Licking the neck of homeless people

4) Squeezing my nether region whenever I see an Aegean girl

5) Burping every time someone tells me "How are you?"

6) Drizzling olive oil on the door steps of my neighbors

7) Screaming every obese toddler " You are the result of broken condom"

8) French-kissing every chubby guy with facial pimple

9) Picking my nose and throwing yikey stuff at people in the subway

10) Pinching every Indian busboy's butt.

Do you think Z can do all of these things?! Knowing Z!! You never know!!:):)

Click here to read "10 THINGS ABOUT Z"

Don't be Yummy Monkey! Scroll down!

Polygamy-mommies don't wear undies!!!

Z spent one day with Polygamy-mommies! Those bitches are so much FUN! Their pastel -nerdy dresses shouldn't deceive you, underneath they don't wear undies (easy to access). Some of them put glitter body spray on their uterus to make special! Those whores are kinky! Here is my day with them in orgy-dominated compound

10 am--Polygamy mommies wake up! Despite everyone thinks they wake up late.After all nite humping & bumping bitches need their beauty sleep.

10.30-11-30 am They all have breakfast in pink ballroom. Breakfast is all about gossiping last nite orgies. Who did 69! who did anal! Conversations are very educational! Screw three ways or four ways! In this compound orgy is minimum 8 ways. The most popular style is 13 ways doggie style!( it should be very amazing to watch LOL)

11 am -12 pm-- Those bitches are exercising!! Yes! Believe me! Have you seen fat polygamist chick? Those women work hard. For biceps they husk corn. For legs they mop the floors.For boobies they harvest ( For butt? well!! they take care that during anal sex!)

12-12.30 pm-- Everyone take vagina-reconstructive yoga class. It is mandatory for anyone above 13 years old. Husbands like tight cervix! Class is all about squeezing and stretching vagina muscles.

12.45-13.45 pm-- All mommies and daddies are getting STD tests once a month. Since nobody knows who poked who. They wanna make sure they are negative on all points. Bacterial vaginosis is the scariest nightmare of mommies. They get that often because they overuse their muffs.

13.45-14.30 pm-- They prepare their selves for the nite. They pick the best puffy-sleeved, Laura Ashley knock-off pastel gowns and shine their shit-brown shoes. Also that is the time they clean & organize their adult toys.

14.30-16.00 pm-- They take disco-naps before tea-dance starts.

16.00-16.30 pm They do their voluminous bangs and hand-made braids. Of course they use only Jesus approved hair products

16.30- 9.00 pm--Tea dance at blue ballroom. OH BOY! Mommies and daddies dance , drink & flirt at tea-dance. Redbull vodka is the mommies choice! Bisexual daddies like cosmopolitans! You must see those mommies!! They become Madonna or Janet on the dance floor. ( 13 years old ones become Rihanna) This party also is great for hook-ups. Close to 9 pm everyone pretty much pick their orgy groups and go to sex rooms. Parties continue in those rooms till they all have multiple orgasms!!! You can imagine climax noises and screams in polygamy compound!!!

Well what a life HUH!!!!

P.S. Now Z knows what his outfit is for Halloween! He will be wearing polygamy-mommy outfit LOL LOL

DON'T BE POLYGAMY RABBIT & SCROLL DOWN!!

Click here to read to read " I'm a gay male & I'm pregnant"

Z's 5 days liquid diet diary!

Well! Couple weeks ago my boyfriend told me I gained weight and my love handles were prominent! I snapped! OMG! OMG! How could it be? Am I becoming a bear? Damn! I ate all winter along!!! Speedo time was at the corner!!!! Panic! Panic! I decided going on a 5 days liquid diet. Get rid of excessive body fat & toxic! This diet was all about liquid & juice! Great! I LOVE DRINKING! No alcohol & No caffeine!! BUMMER! I needed to do this! "I'll be gorgeous again! "
DAY 1--- Day 1 menu was cabbage, head of celery & cucumber. I put those in a juicer and mixed.All day I had to drink this stuff! YIKES! I said myself "I can do this! Girl!!! Where is your will power?!" 10 am I was starving. I had miserable caffeine headaches! I needed to have coffee urgently "I'm addicted to coffee!" Which moron created this diet! Coffee Basher! Lunch break!!! Great! I went out and had some fresh air. This cabbage drink made my stomach bizarre! I was dying for coffee! All the little Mexican busboys seemed to me Starbucks Grande Latte! They looked so yummy!
" Come!! my little Mexican Frappucinno give a sip to your daddy" OH! Day 1!! and I already lost it! I made the evening barely. I passed out at nite.
DAY 2--- Day 2 menu was broccoli, green pepper, kale mixed juice. Ehhhww! Juice was so green! I had a BIG meeting that day! All VPs, EVPs! All important big bosses! 11 am I started farting little bit! Shit! It must have been broccoli! My tongue was green too! 1 pm I went to meeting! I couldn't stop farting! OH! It smelled so bad! I was belching out loudly! Everyone was laughing at me! The smell in the air was like death pigeon! Ehhww! I felt embarrassed! I said myself "GOD Brian!!! Why did you tell me, I was fat" Whenever I talked, everyone looked my tongue! It was all green!!!! I was a giant fart machine with a big green tongue! I passed out that nite too!
Day 3--- I woke up very tired! No energy! Day 3's menu was carrots, beets & tomatoes! Juice was red! As if I hadn't had enough problem with green day! Lunch time I peed red! GEE! Talking about vagina was having her period! Mine was bloody mengina!! Thank God! Nobody saw my fashionably red pee! I was starving all day! I wanted to have solid food! I wanted to bite! Gosh! It has been 2 days I haven't pooped! I was obsessed with the idea of biting all day.I made home barely. Pheeww!! Me & my boyfriend went to bed early. I couldn't go to sleep!!! Tossing & Turning! I needed to release my tension! I made Brian the bf wake up! " Honey Let's have sex!" Brian the bf said " Horny bitch! Do you know what time it is? It is 3 am!!" I said " I'm not horny! I'm hungry! Honneey!! Show ur peperoni to me!" GEE! The idea of peperoni made my mouth watering. Well! I started giving my boyfriend a good old head! Meantime I was hallucinating pepperoni. Yummmy!!! Succulent pepperoni!! All of sudden Brian the bf screamed " What the hell! WHORE! You are eating my dick!! STOP IT!!" OMG! I was eating his pepperoni. OH GOD!! " I'm a mess!"
Day 4--- Today's menu! Broccoli, cabbage and cucumber mixed juice! Great! Another fart day! I was so cranky all day! I was craving big juicy steak! Whenever I saw big tits on the street! They reminded me hanger steaks! GOD! First time boobies made me smile! Ehhhww! My pee was so dark and stinky all day! At nite! I was still cranky!!! We went to bed early! I passed out! In the middle of the I woke up with stomach pain! I didn't wanna wake up my boyfriend again! I decided to have a toe-curling masturbation! I couldn't concentrate!Well! When I was hungry, it was impossible to get it up! I gave up!!! What I did?!!! I shaved my balls & my armpits! CRAZY! But I made day 4!!!!
Day 5---- I woke up with no energy! Last day! SHIT! I said myself " I cannot do this anymore! This is crazy!" I realized I have not scaled yet! I was scared what if I didn't loose weight! I slowly walked to the scale. I said " Scale! Scale! Tell me who is skinner Paris Hilton or me" OMG! I lost 20 pound in 4 days! Fuck it! & I didn't do 5th day!!
Was it worth it? Well! You should decide! Here is my after diet picture! I highly recommend this diet? ( if you can handle explosive farts!) LOL LOL!
Click here 2 read " A leather daddy wants to get laid! It is his to do list!!"

THE BOOKS YOU MUST HAVE!

Well! Boys! Time to read something! Z gives you GREAT summer reading suggestions. Drop those gossip magazines and no need to pretend reading New York Times either! The Books Z suggests will make you better & educated person! Don't be silly rabbit & read MORE & MORE!

1) Once I was a top & I hated it---Biography of Clay Aiken. He tells the story of his life open heartily! Eye Opening!
2) Anal Sex for Dummies--- Great Book! It shows over 300 anal sex positions! (with pictures) It explains every detail. It is useful for homos & heteros. All positions are lower back friendly. Must have in your library.
3) I poked the Pope--- It is about a delusional gay man's fantasies (apparently tasteless one! ) Completely fiction! Once you start you can't stop reading. Boy! Some people can have bizzare fantasies!
4) Steroids made it easy---It is a magical exercise book. You don't have to raise a finger in order to gain muscle. All you have to do little shut steroids. Great tips!!!
5) I JEW--- A love story between a Jewish Chinese and a Catholic Black guy. Well-hung black guy tries to be Jew! Finally Well-hung dumps Jewish Chinese and start penetrating rabbi.Very interesting gay love story. You will cry a lot.
6) Wake up & Swallow PAXIL---It is a self-help book. Basically it says "therapists suck! ". It teaches how you can medicate yourself without committing suicide accidentally. It has a great daily dosage chart! Very zanax friendly!!
7) Key is "NOT TO DIGEST"--- Excellent diet book! You can eat as much as you want, rule is not to digest!! Book gives you amazing self-puke techniques! It works!!! Unbelievable!! LOVE LOVE this book!
8) I have 3 mommies & all have penises---It is a kids book. It explains 4 years old kid why his gay parents recently had 3rd boy friend. Talking about polygamy! Gay families must have this book!
9) I beat the cancer with Vodka-- A cancer survivor lush dyke tells her cancer story. How she mixed vodka & rum to cure her genitalia cancer. It is very inspiring!!!
10) God is great! Can he help me with my hemorrhoids?!--- Read this! You will feel soooo good! Another great self-help book!
11) Complete Idiot Guide for SEX-CHANGE---Great tips how to make a yummy penis from dirty clitiris (or vice versa) you can also put your old tired testicles in succulent boobs with this book

Don't be silly rabbit! Click the link to buy these books NOW!>>> mamazon.com

I'M A GAY MALE & I'M PREGNANT!

Well Well! First gay male got pregnant! Of course it is famous blogger Z! Z has gained weight recently! He realized He was pregnant! At first Z was happy! But symptoms have been really severe. He gave interview to Teen Girl and Time magazine. He made the cover on both magazines. Here are quotes from his interviews!
"OMG! It is a blissful time for me. It is an amazing feeling most of the time. Yes I have been having very severe symptoms.I admire women more!! It is a difficult job being a pregnant! But My symptoms are little bit different than women. Embarrassingly I fart more. I belch loudly when I least expect it.Couple day ago I was in a movie theater with my friend.I farted so hard, all people turned laugh at me. It smelled like death cat.Oops sorry! I cannot help it. My craving are very bizarre. I don't crave those useless vegetables like pickles.I crave for alcohol! It is amazing, normally I do not drink much!! LOL. Interestingly I started drinking scotch or vodka!! I have morning sickness. Thank God! Vodka stops my nausea. Some people say drinking alcohol is not good my baby. Hell not!!! I'm having a baby girl. She will be famous mess like her aunts Britney & Amy Wino. My baby will be on people magazine very week. So alcohol is early training for my little girl. Well! As you know I do not have vagina (THANK GOD!) I have get c-section! It is OK! I'm not scared! My memory is so overdrawn. I don't even remember who the father is!!! LOL. My hormones are messed up. Couple days ago I was watching THE VIEW on the TV. I started laughing at Barbara Walters. Gosh!! she looked like to me stuffed clown with all those bottox. When I watch Oprah I get scared and when I watch Tyra Banks I cry. I'm hormonal mess!! Strangely I smell better. Some of the things smell really good some of the things smell really bad! Recently I'm enjoying smelling poppers! It smells sooo good!OH GOD! I can't stop smelling that little rush bottle. I cannot stand the smell of diesel dykes. GEE! They smell like death cow (lipstick lesbians are OK!) But overall I'm so happy! When baby is born, I'll be me more happy. I wish this could happen on all gay boys not only special gays like me"
Don't be silly rabbit this interview is all fiction LOL!
Click here to read "Z's oscar speech" Yeah! Z won an oscar

Hysterical Spam emails & Z's responds

Everyone hates spam emails, but Z has fun with them!! Z always responds back to spam emails, because Z is a nice person. Here are funniest spam emails and Z's responds!

1) Is your Cock doing this?--

Limping or lameness (especially after rising)

Slow, stiff, or awkward movements ,Excessive licking ,Withdrawn

Difficulty climbing orgasm! If yes! TAKE VIAGRA!

Z's responds>> How dare u??? My dick doesn't have any problem!! Especially LICKING!!

2) Your mom is naked---Click here to download and watch.Enjoy the show!!

Z's respond>>>WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! Disgusting! MY poor Mommmmyyy!!!

3) I SAW RESUME.....Dear Gay, I am writing to you as a recruiting coordinator in Orlando for Fomo Financial Services. We are currently seeking licensed and non-licensed professionals that we can train and develop as financial advisors to support our clients. This is a federal and state licensed sales position. We are looking for people who are ready to launch a successful career, not just obtain a job. If you wish to receive additional information or attend a Career Preview, please do not hesitate to contact me at 407-241-XXX

Z's respond>>>Dear WHORE!!! If you saw my resume, how come you don't know my name! How do you know I'm gay!!! I'm NOT intrested in your shity job!!!!

4) Online Chatting----Hello I'm tired this evening! I'm a nice and beautiful girl that would like to chat with you.Email me Susanne@galasite.com only because I'm using my friends email to send this. I will reply with my pictures

Z's responds>>>Hey nice Girl!! I wanna see your pictures.Pls send me!!! I'm excited ( Z just wanted to have FUN with that girl. Not that Z is interested in tired vagina!! Susan sent her picture.Here is her picture EHHHEWWW!)

5) Wives love BIG baby-maker >>> Girls deserve big BABY MAKER, because they want you to reach deeper. You will have 10 inch dick. I got this operation. Let's bet my cucumber is bigger than yours! Even Lindsay Lohen cannot take it!!

Z's respond>>Hi Mr Cucumber!! I do not wanna reach a girl's pussy deeper. I do not need to get penis enlargment either.

6) Get Paid while you go to Massage School--- Nothing better than that. You will learn how to massage and get paid for that. You need a diploma. We will give you one. This a dream come true. APPLY NOW!

Z's responds>>> As long as I get to massage cute boys, I'm in! Can I take classes for balls massage too. I wanna focus on testicles in my carier!

7) Your dick is SMALL---Relax & Take a deep breath! We have the solution. Our herbal pills make your dick bigger and smoother! You will gain 3 inches in lenght. It also hepls premature-ejaculation and produce hard rock erection!

Z's respond>>> Dear Dick Head!!!!! Pls drop me off on all Penis related emails. My dick is BIG!! Best Regards!

8) Loose up 20 pounds in ONE day--- It is likely that you could have POUNDS and POUNDS of excess waste built up in your system right now! This precise buildup can be the cause of noticable daily lower energy levels, bloating, constipation, aches & cramps, and even excess gastronal discomfort. With our pills you will shit to death. You will get excessive diaherria. What else do you want more?

Z's responds>> LOVE IT!! I want this!!! I would love to have good explosive diaherria!

Click here to read 10 hilarious masturbation techniques!!!

LOL PIX!

CLICK HERE FOR MORE FUNNY PICS!

SCROLL DOWN FOR MORE!

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE GAY ANYMORE!!!!

Breaking.... Z checked in a EX-GAY center! He is chubby heterosexual now.
Here is Z's press release!!!

Z says>>>
I cannot be gay anymore!!!! Being pretty gay takes so much time and money. EVERYDAY I spend minimum 2 hours at the gym to maintain my gorgeous body! I don't even remember when I ate yummy transfats last time! Fatty straight guys don't even go to gym. They always drink 2$ beers. I have to order cosmo and pay minimum $12 for a little glass. That is NOT fair!! All facial, hair & body products are as expensive as diamonds! Every month I have to get facial. Forget about how pricey facial is and it also hurts. Diesel Dyke Galina squeezes my black heads to death hours and hours. I wanna be a WELL-FED hetero! I have never had belly fat. I wanna know the feeling having belly fat. I cannot take this anymore. I wanna eat trans-fat filled Mc Donald's!! I'm checking in EX-GAY center. They are gonna give me nice electro shocks. I will be in a group therapy! We will talk about girls, tits & vaginas. I cannot be the HOTTEST gay guy anymore! Life will be much easier for me when I become fatty straight guy. OMG! I can even spit on the street!! I can have a relationship with a woman. I can eat MUSHY boobies! I heard some girls take up to their ass. I can fuck them. While I fuck a girl bareback I can think about guys!( I can think about TOM CRUISE!) It feels right!!.I also heard female genital